Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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