you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
