good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
