Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
