I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
this just has baby written all over it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
