M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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