i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
