Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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