I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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