its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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