dude i'm inner monologue high
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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