You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
pray to the hookup gods
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
