You're completely useless in the revolution.
Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
