his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
