I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
