even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
