I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
