Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
3 2 1 whiskey
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
