My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
