i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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