I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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