He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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