you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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