I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
