if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
