Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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