i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
what day is it and did you see me today?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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