Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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