my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
