they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
