i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
