So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
