omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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