So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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