Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it's like iHOP with fire
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
