May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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