You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
