wat bout pragnant strippers??
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Randomize
