I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
