cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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