So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Everything about him screamed your future.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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