So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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