You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
