I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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