I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Girls should come with a carfax report
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
