i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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