don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
