and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
