threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
