this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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