No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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