I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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